It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
