this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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