Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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