this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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