if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
