Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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