when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
