Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
