just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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