Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
