So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
