you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
