She's JV to your varsity
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
