I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
