Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
