Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
