i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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