walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
