In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize