Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
