omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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