What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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