True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
