On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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