a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
