he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
