From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
