I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
