ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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