You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
