Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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