Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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