update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
