id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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