and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
