I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
