i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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