I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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