I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
