OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
