i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
