I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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