Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
