nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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