I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
