It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
