Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
