Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
