he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
