Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
