Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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