dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
