Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
