I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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